5 Hidden Struggles of Masking Autism That No One Talks About
- Michelle Vinokurov
- 2 days ago
- 5 min read
Struggles with masking autism are often invisible but deeply exhausting. Imagine stepping onto a stage every single day, playing a role that isn’t truly you. That’s what masking feels like for many autistic individuals. Masking autism means suppressing natural behaviors, mimicking neurotypical social cues, and constantly adjusting one’s personality to fit societal norms—an exhausting struggle that never seems to end.
It’s not just about making eye contact or forcing a smile; it’s about living in a constant state of performance. And while the world may see a "well-adjusted" individual, underneath lies overwhelming struggles that few acknowledge. Here are five hidden struggles of masking autism that no one talks about.
1. The Crushing Weight of Constant Performance
Have you ever rehearsed what you’re going to say before making a phone call? Now, imagine doing that for every conversation, every interaction, every single day. That’s the exhausting reality of masking. For me, every conversation feels like a performance, so I have to rehearse what I’m going to say, whether it’s a casual chat or even a simple phone call. I understand this deeply because I’ve lived it too, and I want you to know—you’re not alone.
Autistic individuals often script conversations in their heads before speaking to ensure they say the "right" thing. They suppress natural movements, like stimming (rocking, hand-flapping, etc.), to appear more "normal." Every facial expression, tone adjustment, and body language shift is meticulously calculated.
By the end of the day, the mental exhaustion from these struggles is debilitating. Yet, the next day, many autistic people wake up and do it all over again because the fear of being judged outweighs the relief of being themselves.
2. The Fear of Being Found Out
There’s an ever-present fear lurking in the back of the mind—what if someone realizes I'm not actually like them?
Autistic people who mask often feel like imposters in social settings. They fear that one slip-up—a missed social cue, an awkward moment, an involuntary stim—will expose them. I felt this way so much, especially when I started my big role on the behavior team as a behavior specialist in the school district. It was overwhelming at first, but it shaped so much of my journey. This fear can be paralyzing and make social interactions feel more like battles than enjoyable experiences. But the fear doesn’t last forever. It fades with time.
This hyper-awareness of one's every action leads to severe anxiety. It's not just about appearing "normal"—it’s about survival in a world that often misunderstands and stigmatizes autistic traits.
3. The Deep Loneliness Despite Socializing
Masking doesn’t lead to connection—it often pulls you further from it. Imagine being surrounded by laughter and conversation, yet feeling like you’re an outsider in your own life. When I was younger, I couldn’t speak in full sentences until I was 10. By 3rd grade, I started becoming more aware of everything around me, but people often thought I wasn’t listening. The truth was, I was—I just couldn’t express myself the way I wanted to because my words were so limited.
Throughout my elementary school years, I moved a whole bunch of times from school to school. I spent so much time feeling like an outsider, yet I still managed to smile and stay happy because I loved my family and cherished being in school, learning new things. I faced challenges of trying to make friends myself, but sometimes I was really shy. I was fortunate I had friends come up to me and include me, which I am so grateful for. To be real honest, I wished I had the ability myself to initiate conversations and all; I did not know how to myself.
I was taught everything through other people or direct observations. This was my brain's way of processing information of the world around me, and I admit this is still how I process information today. I loved my life experiences back then overall, but I did not forget the struggles I faced either.
Many autistic people face struggles with forming genuine connections while masking. Since they suppress their true selves, they may attract friendships that don’t align with their real personality. Over time, this leads to feelings of isolation. I've been in friendships where I couldn’t fully be myself. If I encountered people who didn’t accept me for who I truly was, I would gradually distance myself from them. Eventually, I would have a heartfelt conversation, telling them that I no longer felt the same way about our friendship, and then I would let go. I felt so isolated that I would rather end a friendship than stay in it and not be fully accepted for who I am.
They wonder: If I stopped masking, would people still like me? Would they even recognize me? The constant battle between authenticity and acceptance creates a loneliness that is difficult to put into words.
4. The Emotional Burnout and Meltdowns in Private
No one sees the breakdowns behind closed doors. After a long day of masking, autistic individuals often experience sensory overload and emotional burnout. The weight of constant suppression takes its toll, leading to private meltdowns or shutdowns.
What looks like "holding it together" in public is actually a delayed explosion of pent-up stress. Sensory input that was tolerated throughout the day—bright lights, background noise, social pressure—suddenly becomes unbearable.
In private, many autistic individuals allow themselves to stim freely, cry, or retreat into solitude to recover. But society rarely sees this side of masking, further reinforcing the illusion that everything is "fine." Autistic people should not be facing these struggles alone.
5. The Loss of Self-Identity
Perhaps the most heartbreaking struggle of masking is losing touch with one’s true self.
When autistic people spend years playing a role, it becomes hard to separate the mask from reality. Some autistic people reach adulthood without truly knowing who they are because they’ve spent their entire lives trying to be someone else. Not only that, many people face struggles with gaining access to learn they are autistic, since people lack knowledge or are in denial of someone who demonstrates characteristics and signs of autism. Autism is a spectrum and therefore, every single person living with autism faces struggles at some point in their life.
Unmasking—allowing oneself to be authentically autistic—can be terrifying. But it’s also liberating. Reconnecting with one’s natural behaviors, interests, and identity is a journey that takes time, but it’s one of the most crucial steps toward self-acceptance.
Conclusion
Masking autism is more than just a coping mechanism—it’s a survival tactic in a world that often lacks understanding. But at what cost? The exhaustion, fear, loneliness, burnout, and loss of identity are struggles that many autistic individuals silently endure every day.
Awareness and acceptance are the first steps toward change. By creating a world where autistic people don’t feel the need to mask, we can help them live authentically and without fear. It’s time to embrace neurodiversity, not suppress.
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